What losing weight taught me:

Y’ALL I DID IT: I AM OVER THE -50 MARK!!!

52.4 GONE!

I posted this picture on a weight-loss support group I am in and the response flooded in, it is crazy to me how many people asked what I was doing (and then say they workout but still eat bad) or what I was taking…. Y’all you need to fuel your body with the right stuff and then you HAVE TO WORK OUT!!!! There is no pill or diet that is gonna be your miracle! You can’t starve yourself either, the right calories are not your enemy! It is a life CHANGE that first has to happen in your mind….. I have PCOS THE ODDS ARE AGAINST ME, BUT I WON’T LET IT STOP ME AND YOU SHOULDN’T EITHER!!!!

Here is my first ever publicly posting a (somewhat) before and current (not after) picture

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Y’all the picture on the left is not me at my highest weight…… I avoided full body pictures so I really don’t have any other than the ones I took for my own personal references (they’re too revealing to post on a blog)  The other picture I took on Friday when I was 49 pounds down….(excuse me i always look a hot mess, the top knot is my signature… I am a stay at home mom for crying out loud lmao sorry I look a mess, oh well)

So here are some things I have learned in the last few months during my journey:

1. The first change than has to happen is not your diet or fitness plan, it is within your mind.

I can’t stress this enough, you have to mentally be strong to overcome an eating addiction, especially doing it on your own. My entire life, I was picky eater. I never ate veggies and I loved soda. I craved fried foods, pizza, you name it and that is what I “survived” on. I am not saying you have to start off mentally strong, because Heaven knows I was weaker than and continue to gain mental strength, but you have to realize you’re doing this to live longer, not to lose the weight. Losing weight is a bonus. Being healthy both mentally and physically is the GOAL.

2.  It is hard-but you must keep going. It is not something you’re always gonna want to do, the struggles are real.

Like I stated above, it is a COMPLETE change and one that must happen in order to maintain it. A healthy lifestyle is not a six month diet and work-out plan. There are gonna be days where you want pizza, but guess what THAT IS OKAY! Have you a slice with a salad and move on. Don’t allow yourself to binge either, this is where the mental strength for me has to kick in and for some maybe you just need to avoid these foods all together so it is not a trigger. Eat veggies suck, but YOU MUST DO IT. Working out sucks-but YOU MUST DO IT! No one really wants to eat right-but you have to!!!!

3. Do NOT compare yourself!

What works for me, may not work for you. Talk to your doctor and really get to know yourself and your body! Never compare yourself to anyone or anything. You are perfect just the way you are no matter what. Only you can work to change your body, so why look at someone else and put yourself down. One day at a time, one choice at a time.

4. There is no such thing as I will be happy when….

Let’s face it, I told myself if I ever lost fifty pounds I was gonna get the boob reduction surgery and I would be so happy… But here I am fifty pounds and still want more! I thought when I lost that 50 I would be satisfied but I am not. However, I do love this process and even though I have a ways to go- I love me! I love who I have become and I love the strengths I have gained!  Do not tell yourself when I do this, I will be happy because you won’t. Live for today and choose to be happy now! You’re alive and you’re breathing, why isn’t that a good enough reason to BE HAPPY!

 5. For 26 years, I abused my body and to think 5 months is gonna change it, I would be wrong!

Yes, in December I set a goal of 60 pounds by June.. and if you have followed my blog I have set monthly goals and 3/5 months, I didn’t reach those goals, but guess what, I didn’t stop. Just because you think you have a time limit, doesn’t mean you should give up if you don’t reach it! I spent so many years doing the wrong things, I understand this is going to take me years to make amends with my body! Don’t look for quick fixes. There is no pill that I can take to help me. Well I am sure there are but lets be realistic, I refuse to take pills for personal family reasons and two, I won’t be on them for the rest of my life anyways! But what I will do for the rest of my life is EAT, so it takes determination and discipline to change.

6. DO NOT DRINK YOUR CALORIES!

THIS IS ALL I AM GOING TO SAY:

WATER! WATER! WATER! ALL DAY LONG!!!!!! You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.- Zig Ziglar
SO WATER THAT SEED! 😉

7.  NUMBERS DON’T DEFINE YOUR WORTH.

You are priceless! No number on a size tag or on a scale will define you! Sure weighing yourself  or tracking your measurements is a must when you loose weight to hold yourself accountable, but regardless, they’re just numbers. And if you choosing to do better, those numbers don’t matter!

8. Support is everything.

Find a friend or even a dr. that you can talk to or vent to. Lord knows my Dr. Is one of my best friends, every time I go see her I feel like I can be so open with her! Also my husband and best friend’s are honestly the best. Not only do they encourage me but they also pick me up when I am down. It is seriously a struggle, but don’t struggle alone.

9. You don’t need a gym to lose weight.

Get up and move! Walk! Take the stairs instead of the elevator! JUST MOVE!!! Of course I am an advocate of weights but there are so many things you can do to gain strength.

10.  Anything is possible.

Seriously, my dad always told me growing up, anything is possible if you set your mind to it. But the way I lived my life, I never saw that. Today, I do! The sky is not the limit, go above it! You can do ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!!!! One day at a time. One choice at a time!!! Stop making excuses for yourself! It was so easy for me to say I gained weight as a symptom of PCOS but the reality is that is an excuse. Sure a woman with PCOS tends to be “heavier” but PCOS does not define me and it sure as hell will never stop me. My reality was, I was choosing a poor lifestyle that didn’t help the symptoms of my PCOS! But since I made my change, my body is changing too! PCOS CAN’T AND WILL NEVER STOP ME!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE WORTHY. AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT. DO GOOD TODAY, SO YOU CAN BE HERE TOMORROW!

with much love,

C

It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.

-Leonardo da Vinci

It’s gonna be me…..

HAPPY MAY, Y’ALL!

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This year is flying by! I can not believe we are already into the FIFTH month of 2017! When you’re old, time flies quicker than it seemed to do when I was a child! It is a new month, which means new goals and an update post of my weight-loss…. so without anymore wasted time… here we go…

THE MONTH OF APRIL:

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Not the eleven I had set for last month’s goal, but I will take it. With this 7.8 pounds gone, brings me to a total of -47.3 pounds since 12.30.16! This month I want to reach 55 pounds!!!!!! I am actually really happy about this past month for several reasons: one, I did not even want, or feel bad about not indulging in my son’s birthday cake and cupcake decorating festivities! And two, I am really starting to like looking in the mirror and taking pictures.  You don’t realize how much you didn’t like yourself until you really start to see the change that is slowly happening with this journey.

For such a long time, I didn’t like looking at myself. Perhaps, it was more or less I didn’t like looking at my actual reality which faced me in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like we allow ourselves to make excuses for the way we are. Mine for a long time was PCOS… but I can’t do that anymore, and I never, ever, ever want to go back.  My husband brought up something that made me cry; I am very open with my weight with my best friend, but I would have never let my husband see my beginning weight because yes, I was very very embarrassed. One day, I sent a text to my best friend of me on the scale (from the beginning: my highest weight) and comparing it to what I was at that day….

My husband said to me, “you know, I don’t know how to bring this up but I saw a pic on your phone of you on the scale and now I see why you never wanted to talk about it…” I instantly cried and he instantly felt like an asshole. But he was right and it was me who was an asshole. For such a long time, I abused myself. I let myself become a stranger that was weak. I wasn’t crying because I was sad… NO, I am almost to 50 pounds so I know I am on the right path, but my tears were coming from being so ashamed of what I did.

(Bless my sweet husband, he just held me as I cried and was made sure he expressed that he has always loved me and thought I was beautiful. He let me know how proud he was of me that I am taking control of my life and becoming the leader I was born to be)

I look back, and I am so ashamed. I was killing myself and I gave no F*CKS. I wasn’t being the best possible me, so how was I ever a good wife. I am with a man who has loved me unconditionally for 8 years, but I couldn’t love me. Mentally, with my weight-loss I have, and still continue to grow stronger.

 You are worthy, you are loved, and you are perfect. Do better, be better.

-C

“Make moves or make excuses”

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UPDATES: END OF MONTH

Howdy Y’all! I hope this Friday is going swell! It is that time of month again, update the weight calendar, confess my sins, ask for forgiveness, then set new goals. I usually post this blog on the first of the month but tomorrow is Saturday and I have a busy busy weekend; depending on where you are on this globe, it just may be Saturday but as of right now, it is Friday, March 31, 2017!

So lets just jump right into this and confess our sins of the month:

This month I went from busy to super busy…… not only has my school load increase, but my son’s schedule has increased. He officially has swim lessons twice a week for eight weeks and then gymnastic class once a week, and also they have open gym on Friday’s, he has been to every other one.   I STARTED SWIMMING AGAIN, last week! AH I have missed it so much but man am I outta shape. It feels amazing to be doing something I actually love and swimming is the best stress reliever. I literally have nothing on my mind in the pool, I am at my center and in my zone when I am swimming! I swim an hour at least four days a week. My best friend is going to join with me so we can start going to the gym and free classes together. They also have a boot camp which is included in my membership! Up until swimming again, I lacked on working out the first two weeks of this month, and my weight will reflect this… lets bring up the calendar: This month,

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Let me break these numbers down:

From the first until the seventeenth, I only lost 2.7 pounds.. yikes

and then from the eighteenth until now, I lost 7.8 pounds; for a grand total of 10.5!

My goal I set last month was 11 pounds, so I was half a pound away, ugh. Oh well I have high hopes for April. It’s my son’s b-day month and I will be working my tail off in the pool!  The Good News is, I am more than half way now to my final goal!!!! YAY according to my fav. app, I am 54.5 % done! I have 32.5 pounds to go by June!  Slowly but surely, I am doing it.

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39.5 POUNDS LOST!

APRIL’S GOALS:

-11 pounds

– swim 3 days a week, and gym twice

-keep on track on the diet

-Hunter’s b-day!

HELLO MARCH

MY GOODNESS! I can not believe it is already three months into the year already! I am finish with one of my eight-week courses this week and start another eight-week course next week! I am actually excited because it is a physical credit so that means I actually have a better reason to workout every day (maybe)! This month I did well! I reached my goal of ten pounds I set for myself last month! I didn’t workout as much as last month, I can no lie. The last, I want to say two weeks I have been so consumed in class work!! Sometimes taking online classes are hard, since you have to teach yourself, especially taking more than 12 hrs at a time! ANYWHO, lets get to last months weight-loss and this months new goals! DRUM ROLL PLEASE….16998911_10154273730595887_353083002971540815_n.jpg

ALMOST 12 pounds, not to bad! This brings me to a total of 29 pounds even since December 30,2016!!!

March’s Goals:

  • Weight loss: 11 pounds, which will set me at 40 pounds and 20 pounds to go!
  • I need to get more active again, between college and not having the energy, Feb. I slacked on this.
  • Diet: I am doing pretty well sticking to a low-carb diet, however some days I just don’t feel like eating and barley eat. So I need to make sure I am reaching my calorie goal this month!!!!!
  • SCHOOL: keep on keepin’ on!

I hope y’all are having a wonderful day, we are half way through the week!

-C

2.23.17

 

I AM OVER THE HUMP!

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Sorry GUYS! I have been so busy this week with school I haven’t had much time to log in and write, much less read anything other than two assigned books at last-minute. I PROMISE I WILL HAVE some good stuff coming up this week and weekend!

My husband’s birthday was Tuesday. My son and I baked him a cookie cake and I will tell you what, I can not bake for shit. I can cook all day long, turn nothing into an excellent meal but when it comes to the science of baking, forget about it. POOR dude, this is why I ALWAYS order a cake. But if we are being honest, I have been so busy with school since last Thursday, my nose in a book, I forgot my husband’s birthday! I mean I realized it was coming up but Monday night I was like OH SHIT, I didn’t order his cake. WHOOPS! I don’t know if it is the lack of carbs or what, but sometimes I am a complete [busy] airhead.

I hadn’t weighed myself since last week, but decided to this morning. I have been feeling so bloated lately, damn you PMS, looking at the numbers was the last thing I wanted to do. But a little to my surprise, not only have I hit the 25 pound mark, I’VE GONE A BIT OVER! Thrilled. I am about half way to where I wanna be. But to be honest, I just take it one day at a time.

-Col.

Valentine’s Day!

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HI! I officially am over the 20 pound mark, technically I am down 21.4 butttt we will just call it 20 today! I have been stuck for a few weeks not seeing the scale budge, but never once have I thought about giving up! PCOS sucks! I feel as though as much work and sweat I’ve put into the last 8 weeks, I should be over 20 pounds but I am just now making it. But at the same time, eight weeks ago, I never thought I would be 20 pounds down! I have a love-hate relationship with my journey.

TODAY, we are having storms and are watch for tornadoes! YIKES! SO it looks like a giant cuddle day with my son while Daddy is at work! I am excited about the discounted candy tomorrow, 2/15 is my favorite day, screw 2/14! Anyway I hope whatever struggle you might be facing today, that you know you’re stronger than you realize. Anything you decide to accomplish, I hope you believe you will do those great things. It may be hard, but as long as you keep fighting through it, you’ll make it one day.

With much love,

COL

( I PROMISE ONE DAY I WILL ADD PHOTOS! RIGHT NOW I AM STILL WAY TO UNCOMFORTABLE POSTING PICTURES FOR THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD TO SEE AND CRITICIZE)

goals & life

Thanks to Facebook for the memories posted in my notifications every morning, exactly a year ago I posted this quote,

I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question.-Harun Yahja

If only I knew what I would mentally would be like a year later… moving along a path on a journey I feel connected to for the first time in my life. I have my bad days, but I try not to let them get me down. I have started to live, and not just exist!

I am free.

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UPDATE: GOALS

  1. Well most of you know, I am a [more than] full time college student, so goal number one is finishing all of my scholarship essays in the near future along with two book reports. sigh.
  2.  I have been doing yoga since I started this change and every day I feel stronger and more centered! By the END of this semester, maybe in June, I want to officially be at the point where I feel comfortable enrolling into an actual yoga class. There is a new studio that opened literally a three-minute drive from our house! They do offer early morning classes, so I could go knock one out before my husband has to leave for work.
  3. This month’s weight goal:

High: 15 Pounds

Low: 10 Pounds

            To be honest I would be happy with losing 2-3 pounds a week but go big or go home.            I can feel that the weight is slowing down, at first I dropped a lot, but now my body is wanting to cling onto whatever it can. GO AWAY FAT! Keep on keeping on!

& the numbers are in

I have decided to keep track of my monthly weight loss on a calendar! I will update at the end of each month, what I’ve lost! Last month, in January,  I was hoping to get to 20, but at the end of the month, I splurged a little. (that’s in another blog)  Keep on keepin’ on. So far as of 02.03.17, I am 18.5 pounds! Almost to that 20! 16427800_10154210790075887_3197911734339784517_n

IT HAPPENED

GOOD MORNING Y’ALL! HAPPY MONDAY TO YOU! This morning, I OFFICIALLY HIT TEN POUNDS gone! Struggling with PCOS, losing a pound, sometimes seems impossible but in the last two & a half weeks, I have lost ten of them! I have been struggling since Wednesday, my weight remained the same. TO THE EXACT OUNCE I weighed the same Wednesday-Sunday! Regardless of my frustration (and I knew i shouldn’t be weighing daily) I kept on keeping on and did not give up or give in this weekend.

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On top of my weight goal, I survived another weekend! Weekends are hard for me. Since my hubby is a very active man, he eats anything he wants and can still lose weight! He sickens me. hehe. Weekends are our, go-out-to-eat every chance you can, but I can say it has been since DEC 29th, I have personally cooked my own food! I  have remained loyal to the fact that I have huge goals and through you can still manage eating “healthy” while dining out, I have chosen for the first three months of my journey to not eat out. One, it saves money, two, I know exactly what I am putting in my food, and three, It is much easier to not cheat when you’re at home with the choice of nothing really bad in the fridge. I am was addicted to food and eating out, so for me personally, I really want to be able to say I have changed my behavior before stepping foot into some of the places I use to binge at.

I do have a Trader Joe’s haul to add to the blog and I planned on posting it today but when I stepped on the scale and saw it moved another whole pound, I literally jumped for joy. I feel as though I have been rejuvenated and what I am doing, is what I need to be doing for my body and my health. I am strong, and I know I can do this!

My period did come back on Saturday, and like I posted before I had reason to suspect that the reason for my lack of weight loss last week was because of Aunt Flow, well I guess I am starting to get to know my body a little more. It is so foreign to me, not only am I losing weight, I am getting my menstrual cycle back……I know that doesn’t sound fun but when your hubby wants another baby within the next three years, it is nice to know my body is somewhat working the way it should now.

Until next time…

-Col

“You need to have faith in yourself. Be brave and take risks. You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.”
― Roy T. Bennett

GOAL ONE: DONE

The first goal of this year, I accomplished yesterday! I received my acceptance letter to SAM HOUSTON STATE UNIVERSITY, y’all!!!!!

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It took me SIX year to go back to college, and when I did I basically had to start over! One, between the grades I had (I never went to class, I ALWAYS skipped but that is another story for another time) and the courses I did have, which were credits for my first major (ec 6-8) they did not go along with the degree plan of my new major. I am now 12 hours away from graduating with my AA, and then this fall, I am officially a bearkat! When I went back to school, I was denied financial aid, so I had to eat that and pay for it out-of-pocket. I didn’t have anymore excuses, I knew I needed to finish what I had started. It feels like just yesterday I started back at Lone Star College, now I can see my AA.

I have worked hard over the past two years, I have taken more than 12 hours a semester, stayed home with my son and raised him, took care of a farm, but I neglected my body. However, it was earning A’s that I think built my confidence back up. When I started back my GPA was embarrassing, I have now raised it more than 2.5 points and for the last TWO SEMESTERS, I made the dean’s list! FOUR SEMESTERS, achieving 4.0’s! Hard work is good. Hard work is rewarding! It has for sure been a building block of my confidence in overcoming harder obstacles.

I only hope to carry out these academic achievements. Not only do I have HUGE health goals, my educational goals might trump that! After I finish my BA, I plan on taking my GRE and applying to Texas A&M, they have a three-year PH.D. program and you also receive your M.A.; two birds, one stone! ONE STEP AT A TIME TOUGH!

Until then, IMMA GO DO SOME YOGA, because ya know, GOALS!

HAPPY THURSDAY, YALL!