I can see the light


I am in my final week of my three-week mini Spanish course (praise Jesus, I will never do that again) and then I will be entering the next six weeks taking another nine hours…. At least I will have the last six weeks of summer to relax!

I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT IS JUNE! Time flies when you’re an adult. I just wish it would freeze for a minute.. With that being said, The first means UPDATE DAY!!! So here we go…


I’m not going to get somewhere and say, ‘OK, I’m done.’ Success is never final; I’ll just keep on going. The same way as failure never being fatal. Just keep going. I’m going to the stars and then past them.

-Conor McGregor


Hi y’all! I’m coming to you from my bathtub. Yes that’s right, I’m soaking in some hot water and my child is napping…. it has been pouring rain since last night and I woke up to Aunt Flo arriving a week early bringing with her major cramps!!! 

Life updates: 

I started a three-week mini course and right as that finishes I’m taking nine hours the first four weeks of the summer….. why?! don’t ask me, but I tend to love stresssssss. 

Farm updates: This week we added three new babies to the farm, and they’re so precious! 

I also realized after bringing them home, they needed to be separated from our rambunctious bucks so I had to think fast and create a fence line…… Sunday afternoon was spent building this not so pretty, but pretty much free fenceline:

I still need to finish painting the chicken coop and build the overhang, but who focuses on one project at a time?!?

Anyway, I hope this week treats you well! After this bath, I want to take a nap but not sure if that will happen! Today is just not going to be a productive day but guess what, I don’t mind!! 
Hugs from Texas, 


What losing weight taught me:


52.4 GONE!

I posted this picture on a weight-loss support group I am in and the response flooded in, it is crazy to me how many people asked what I was doing (and then say they workout but still eat bad) or what I was taking…. Y’all you need to fuel your body with the right stuff and then you HAVE TO WORK OUT!!!! There is no pill or diet that is gonna be your miracle! You can’t starve yourself either, the right calories are not your enemy! It is a life CHANGE that first has to happen in your mind….. I have PCOS THE ODDS ARE AGAINST ME, BUT I WON’T LET IT STOP ME AND YOU SHOULDN’T EITHER!!!!

Here is my first ever publicly posting a (somewhat) before and current (not after) picture


Y’all the picture on the left is not me at my highest weight…… I avoided full body pictures so I really don’t have any other than the ones I took for my own personal references (they’re too revealing to post on a blog)  The other picture I took on Friday when I was 49 pounds down….(excuse me i always look a hot mess, the top knot is my signature… I am a stay at home mom for crying out loud lmao sorry I look a mess, oh well)

So here are some things I have learned in the last few months during my journey:

1. The first change than has to happen is not your diet or fitness plan, it is within your mind.

I can’t stress this enough, you have to mentally be strong to overcome an eating addiction, especially doing it on your own. My entire life, I was picky eater. I never ate veggies and I loved soda. I craved fried foods, pizza, you name it and that is what I “survived” on. I am not saying you have to start off mentally strong, because Heaven knows I was weaker than and continue to gain mental strength, but you have to realize you’re doing this to live longer, not to lose the weight. Losing weight is a bonus. Being healthy both mentally and physically is the GOAL.

2.  It is hard-but you must keep going. It is not something you’re always gonna want to do, the struggles are real.

Like I stated above, it is a COMPLETE change and one that must happen in order to maintain it. A healthy lifestyle is not a six month diet and work-out plan. There are gonna be days where you want pizza, but guess what THAT IS OKAY! Have you a slice with a salad and move on. Don’t allow yourself to binge either, this is where the mental strength for me has to kick in and for some maybe you just need to avoid these foods all together so it is not a trigger. Eat veggies suck, but YOU MUST DO IT. Working out sucks-but YOU MUST DO IT! No one really wants to eat right-but you have to!!!!

3. Do NOT compare yourself!

What works for me, may not work for you. Talk to your doctor and really get to know yourself and your body! Never compare yourself to anyone or anything. You are perfect just the way you are no matter what. Only you can work to change your body, so why look at someone else and put yourself down. One day at a time, one choice at a time.

4. There is no such thing as I will be happy when….

Let’s face it, I told myself if I ever lost fifty pounds I was gonna get the boob reduction surgery and I would be so happy… But here I am fifty pounds and still want more! I thought when I lost that 50 I would be satisfied but I am not. However, I do love this process and even though I have a ways to go- I love me! I love who I have become and I love the strengths I have gained!  Do not tell yourself when I do this, I will be happy because you won’t. Live for today and choose to be happy now! You’re alive and you’re breathing, why isn’t that a good enough reason to BE HAPPY!

 5. For 26 years, I abused my body and to think 5 months is gonna change it, I would be wrong!

Yes, in December I set a goal of 60 pounds by June.. and if you have followed my blog I have set monthly goals and 3/5 months, I didn’t reach those goals, but guess what, I didn’t stop. Just because you think you have a time limit, doesn’t mean you should give up if you don’t reach it! I spent so many years doing the wrong things, I understand this is going to take me years to make amends with my body! Don’t look for quick fixes. There is no pill that I can take to help me. Well I am sure there are but lets be realistic, I refuse to take pills for personal family reasons and two, I won’t be on them for the rest of my life anyways! But what I will do for the rest of my life is EAT, so it takes determination and discipline to change.



WATER! WATER! WATER! ALL DAY LONG!!!!!! You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.- Zig Ziglar


You are priceless! No number on a size tag or on a scale will define you! Sure weighing yourself  or tracking your measurements is a must when you loose weight to hold yourself accountable, but regardless, they’re just numbers. And if you choosing to do better, those numbers don’t matter!

8. Support is everything.

Find a friend or even a dr. that you can talk to or vent to. Lord knows my Dr. Is one of my best friends, every time I go see her I feel like I can be so open with her! Also my husband and best friend’s are honestly the best. Not only do they encourage me but they also pick me up when I am down. It is seriously a struggle, but don’t struggle alone.

9. You don’t need a gym to lose weight.

Get up and move! Walk! Take the stairs instead of the elevator! JUST MOVE!!! Of course I am an advocate of weights but there are so many things you can do to gain strength.

10.  Anything is possible.

Seriously, my dad always told me growing up, anything is possible if you set your mind to it. But the way I lived my life, I never saw that. Today, I do! The sky is not the limit, go above it! You can do ANYTHING YOU WANT!!!!!! One day at a time. One choice at a time!!! Stop making excuses for yourself! It was so easy for me to say I gained weight as a symptom of PCOS but the reality is that is an excuse. Sure a woman with PCOS tends to be “heavier” but PCOS does not define me and it sure as hell will never stop me. My reality was, I was choosing a poor lifestyle that didn’t help the symptoms of my PCOS! But since I made my change, my body is changing too! PCOS CAN’T AND WILL NEVER STOP ME!


with much love,


It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.

-Leonardo da Vinci

Around the farm (updates)


We broke up so many pallets by hand and did the outside of the chicken coop. After we built the main back wall of the run… finishing it off with more pallets. (FREEEEEEE) okay we were trying to do this sucker cheap as possible, but I was tired of hammering pallets apart!!! I found a miter saw on sale at lowe’s and made the investment of a metal blade…. sawed right through those nails!!

Talk about workouts, I was lifting that heavy wood and so many 80 pound bags of concrete. ANDDDD I was my husband’s runner… if he needed water, if he forgot a tool up at the house, whatever he needed, I was always running.

I wanted to paint the back wall with the name of our farm, but I am now undecided… We are however pallet-ing off half of the wall on the left wall.. just like we did for the coop. We also trenched four feet into the ground and concreted that sucker… nothing is getting under this!

With one of the center beams for the roof structure we just made roosting poles!

(BTW: we got all of the pallets and center support beams for free; scavenging everywhere, asking everyone, and CL)

We still need to finish the side walls, 40% of the roof, and paint the chicken coop and poles…. Also we scored a really neat nesting box we need to install but I need to clean out the chicken coop and add new dirt and flooring in there!

we didn’t have anything to transport the chickens from our front yard to their new run and chicken coop.. so we threw them in the back of the truck and me and my son sat back there with them and fed them works… it was quite funny. (no animals were harmed)

the chicks grazing in the front yard


My son with his truck and his Daddy’s truck
Piggy Smalls escaped and found a mud hole by the house!


It’s gonna be me…..



This year is flying by! I can not believe we are already into the FIFTH month of 2017! When you’re old, time flies quicker than it seemed to do when I was a child! It is a new month, which means new goals and an update post of my weight-loss…. so without anymore wasted time… here we go…



Not the eleven I had set for last month’s goal, but I will take it. With this 7.8 pounds gone, brings me to a total of -47.3 pounds since 12.30.16! This month I want to reach 55 pounds!!!!!! I am actually really happy about this past month for several reasons: one, I did not even want, or feel bad about not indulging in my son’s birthday cake and cupcake decorating festivities! And two, I am really starting to like looking in the mirror and taking pictures.  You don’t realize how much you didn’t like yourself until you really start to see the change that is slowly happening with this journey.

For such a long time, I didn’t like looking at myself. Perhaps, it was more or less I didn’t like looking at my actual reality which faced me in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like we allow ourselves to make excuses for the way we are. Mine for a long time was PCOS… but I can’t do that anymore, and I never, ever, ever want to go back.  My husband brought up something that made me cry; I am very open with my weight with my best friend, but I would have never let my husband see my beginning weight because yes, I was very very embarrassed. One day, I sent a text to my best friend of me on the scale (from the beginning: my highest weight) and comparing it to what I was at that day….

My husband said to me, “you know, I don’t know how to bring this up but I saw a pic on your phone of you on the scale and now I see why you never wanted to talk about it…” I instantly cried and he instantly felt like an asshole. But he was right and it was me who was an asshole. For such a long time, I abused myself. I let myself become a stranger that was weak. I wasn’t crying because I was sad… NO, I am almost to 50 pounds so I know I am on the right path, but my tears were coming from being so ashamed of what I did.

(Bless my sweet husband, he just held me as I cried and was made sure he expressed that he has always loved me and thought I was beautiful. He let me know how proud he was of me that I am taking control of my life and becoming the leader I was born to be)

I look back, and I am so ashamed. I was killing myself and I gave no F*CKS. I wasn’t being the best possible me, so how was I ever a good wife. I am with a man who has loved me unconditionally for 8 years, but I couldn’t love me. Mentally, with my weight-loss I have, and still continue to grow stronger.

 You are worthy, you are loved, and you are perfect. Do better, be better.


“Make moves or make excuses”



25 to life…

December 30, 2016 sitting inside a pizza buffet stuffing down slice after slice, coke after coke instead of really wanting to go play with my son in the kids play area. Not that I didn’t want to but I was this animal who could not control my urges, or what I ate. Pizza, all of it, as much as I could eat was sitting right in front of me. I indulge and enjoyed it, but the more I ate the less happy I actually became. That pizza didn’t taste good nor was I hungry, but I just kept going.

Leaving Incredible Pizza that day, I knew I was in trouble and this burning desire to do better . My entire life up until this point as been about self-indulgence, which helped me drown my anxious ways; or perhaps it was because of my anxious ways, I always binged.  Either way, I was killing myself and not thinking about the hurt my son would have knowing his mom chose food over him, essentially. My addiction had a hold of me, I was ready to be untied.

I was 25, this was it. That day I decided enough was enough and ironically the song, “25 to life” by Eminem played on shuffle when I was really beating myself up for my addictive ways.  Never the less, this song became my motivation to drown my old self, and emerge a stronger and better person, someone I have never been.  Even though I wasn’t sure if I loved myself enough to do better, I knew without a doubt in my existence, the love I have for my son is more than anything I have ever known and nothing I mean nothing, not my own mind, would ever take me away from him.

Let me break down the lyrics, now Eminem is obviously talking about the music industry and his fame, but for me, his song I apply to my old self (my mind) vs the new one (mind).

Too late for the other side
Caught in a chase, 25 to life (at this point I was 25 so it was easy to apply this lyric to my life)
Too late for the other side
Caught in a chase, 25 to life
Too late
I can’t keep chasing ’em
I’m taking my life back (amen, it was time for a life change)
Caught in a chase, 25 to life


I no longer cry for you, no more pain
Bitch, you took me for granted
Took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt, I can no longer stand it
Now my respect, I demand it
I’ma take control of this relationship, command it (take control of my life and my habits) 
And I’ma be the boss of you now, goddamn it
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out, this much you owe me

(all about my inner struggle and battling my own thoughts)

Yeah, funny, ain’t it? You neglected me (I have always took care of others, but never realized what I was doing to myself)
Did me a favor, though, my spirit free you’ve set
But a special place for you in my heart I have kept
It’s unfortunate, but it’s…

(but because of these struggles, I have been able to use them for my strength to keep going)

But tonight I’m serving you with papers; I’m divorcing you
Go marry someone else and make ’em famous!
And take away their freedom like you did to me

Treat ’em like you don’t need ’em
And they ain’t worthy of you
Feed ’em the same shit that you made me eat
I’m moving on, forget you
Oh, now I’m special? I ain’t feel special when I was with you
All I ever felt was this helplessness
Imprisoned by a selfish bitch
Chew me up and spit me out, I fell for this
So many times it’s ridiculous
And still I stick with this, I’m sick of this
But in my sickness and addiction you’re addictive as they get
Evil as they come, vindictive as they make ’em
My friends keep askin’ me why I can’t just walk away from
I’m addicted to the pain, the stress, the drama
I’m drawn to shit, I guess I’m a mess, cursed and blessed
But this time I ain’t changin’ my mind
I’m climbin’ out this abyss
You’re screamin’ as I walk out that I’ll be missed
But when you spoke of people
Who meant the most to you, you left me off your list

(one hundred percent my inner struggles…. no matter what, I couldn’t break my addictive ways no matter how many times I tried before, but at this point, it was mental more than it was a want for physical change. I did not want to be bound by anything and food was holding me down. I was no longer me, but someone I didn’t recognize)

Many lyrics in this song, I literally apply to my life and my personal relationship with myself. I feel as though there was me, and now there is ME.  I am choosing my life. I am choosing to love me. and I am choosing to beat an addiction that would day put me into the ground, sooner than later.

I am worth it, you are worth it. Don’t let anything bound you, not even your own mind!

so here is too all of you who share my struggles…. 

I’m not saying that everyone should swim with sharks, but sometimes you have to jump over your own shadow in order to learn something that you will never forget for the rest of your life. Then you know you can conquer your fears. -Heidi Klum

let’s talk….

Hi y’all,

I wanted to bring you my first ever, UPDATE PICTURE. AH I am so nervous… one, not even my husband knows my weight, but you’re about to see my hard work on the scale. Two, I am still so nervous to put myself out there, ya know…. There are only less than a handful of people, besides you all, who know about my efforts to overcome an eating addiction, poor choices and excuses, and my PCOS SYMPTOMS….  no one in my personal life knows about this blog and I like it that way…… it is easier to be judged by strangers than people I truly know, isn’t that weird.

Anyway, As you all know, I have been very very busy, but I have made it a real effort to start swimming 4-5 days a week an hr to an hr and fifteen minutes at a time! NOW, it has been about a month since I started, and I was a swimmer for 14 years, so swimming comes natural to me… I will share some of my work outs below, but I DO NOT SUGGEST ANYONE TO START OUT DOING LONG DISTANCE! As for the scale, it is still moving, not as fast, but it is moving! Having PCOS, I never thought I would be able to lose (a significant amount of) weight, so I never really gave it much effort, or stuck with it that is… But I am doing it, and if I can, SO CAN YOU. Never stop trying, never stop striving!

So here it is ladies and gent.. my start weight and my mid-way(ish) point. I still need and want to lose 45ish-50 more pounds, but I will tell ya, as a teenager who was so active in swimming, I was never below 155! So I am setting my goals high and I WILL CRUSH IT!


Since swimming, I have seen more changes in my body than really the scale but hey I am okay with that. I am feeling better than ever and on the days I have really bad anxiety, swimming has given me back a healthy outlet to release my inner voices.


I don’t have set work-outs, I just swim and make it up as I go… yesterday, I literally swam for an hour without stopping until I felt like my anxiety was gone. Other days I know what kind of sets I want to do…

First and foremost, these are my must have(s) for swimming:

A kick board (kicks which works you legs and hips even you back and abs if you do dolphin kick and it’s killer) and a pull buoy and paddle board… everyday I swim I use these three tools throughout my sets!

So I will give you some examples of what I do in the pool:


1 example:         500 yard warm-up (slower pace, but build speed last 200y)

500 Pull (using pull buoy and paddle)

500 Kick ( 100 yard free kick, 100 yard dolphin every other 100y)

5-100 yard sprints (now I can’t sprint a full 100 yards yet, so I make sure to sprint in between the flag, aka ‘the red zone” and focus on my arms in between zones)

       500 y Kick (same as above)

500 Yard SLOWWWWWW cool-down

Example 2:  500 yard warm up (slower building speed)

21-25 yard sprint (but rotating sprint just pulling, just kicking, and swimming full stroke)

600 yard (24 laps) warm down

Example 3:  500 Yard warm up (building speed)

400 yard pull

300 yard kick

200 yard full sprint (slow in red zone, fast in between)

500 yard cool down

So there you have it… I promise one day, when I am comfortable I will start sharing actual body progress but for now, I am still working to do better! I hope this post finds you doing well, and never stop giving up. Strive to do better and you will.

Until next time,


Truthful Thursday’s.

Well howdy y’all! It is Thursday and for some of you today might be your Friday, since Good Friday is tomorrow…. Here in Texas is is humid and nasty! It has been raining all week, booo!

So some life updates:

  1. We have spent the last two weekends finishing up the old chicken coop and new chicken run. Y’all we spent 24 hrs of our 48 hr weekend, building this past weekend. I got so sunburned (yes I had sunscreen on) and my arms are sore. We made a 25 ft long pallet wall, and of course, we couldn’t make it an easier, we broke each pallet up by hand!!!!! The place is looking nice and I CAN NOT WAIT TO GIVE Y’ALL farm update blog!
  2. I Started watching my best friend’s daughter during the weeks! Having two kids has been a blast but there is double the clean up. My son is enjoying having someone other than me to play with.
  3. Speaking of KIDS, my husband is begging for another baby….. y’allllllll we may be planning a baby! I am so nervous, I could throw up just thinking about doing pregnancy again, especially after working this hard to lose weight! This time I am going to make sure I remain swimming and eating right, this way the bounce back doesn’t take me *cough four years*
  4. Speaking of pregnancy- the DR., I went to visit my DR on Monday and she was so happy to see my progress!!! She told me at this point, I would be good to go for a healthy pregnancy and my weight is no longer an issue. I told her if I could lose another 25 more pounds, I would be willing to get my IUD removed…. EEEEK! We had a great visit just chatting! It is wonderful to finally have a Dr. that not only cares, but takes enough time out of her day to get to know you, for you! My life change when I met Dr. Clark, so for that Dr. Clark, THANK YOU.
  5. My son’s b-day is coming up next week. So there’s that another happy – tearful day for me.
  6. MY WEIGHT: I don’t have my phone on me so I would be lying if I gave you an exact number but I have broke another 10 pounds on the scale.. YIIIIPEE.. I am getting comfortable to the point of posting pic’s online for the world to see isn’t as scary! BECAUSE I know I be looking goodddd hahah.
  7. FINALLLLLLY, speaking of looking good, I BOUGHT MY FIRST ROMPER! AND I wore it to see ADAM SANDLER preform live in SugarLand, Tx of Tuesday. He is my childhood favorite, and favorite actor to this day!

That is all of the life updates I can think of for now, but I will leave you with this Q & A:

  1. Are you named after anyone? Nope
  2. When was the last time you cried? Sunday, listening to a song that reminded me of my Dad
  3. Do you have kids? Yap.
  4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Oh great question, I probably would, but would myself befriend another person?! 
  5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I am fluent in sarcasm.
  6. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Eyes.
  7. What is your eye color? green/hazel
  8. Scary movie or happy endings? Scary, everyone dies. haha.
  9. Favorite smells? The smell of fresh bread baking.
  10. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Honduras
  11. Do you have any special talents? Procrastination and the art of BULL SHITTING.
  12. Where were you born? In a hospital. 
  13. What are your hobbies? raising babies, feeding mouths I can’t afford to feed. 
  14. Do you have any pets? Too many
  15. Do you have any siblings? I claim two maybe 3 on a good day, but I have four sisters.
  16. What do you want to be when you grow up? Successful.
  17. Who was your first best friend? oh first bestie, hmmm That was too many years ago.
  18. How tall are you? 5’4″
  19. Funniest moment throughout School? When I punched a kid at swim practice for running his mouth and my coach pulled me aside ( I knew for sure I was in trouble) but then told me I should break his nose next time.
  20. How many countries have you visited? 4
  21. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School? Athletics/Sciences
  22. What is your Favorite drink? Animal? Perfume? I have already answered these numerous times…. water, dogs and daisy 
  23. What would you (or have you) name your children? Hunter
  24. What Sports do you play/Have you played? Dancing, cheerleading, swimming, volleyball, soccer, track… 
  25. Who are some of your favorite YouTubers? ummm idk
  26. How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had? lol real 2 that I cared about. 51646351 that i didn’t
  27. Favorite memory from childhood? My family.
  28. How would you describe your fashion sense? black leggings everyday kind of gal. 
  29. What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?) IPHONE ALL DAY!
  30. Tell us one of your bad habits! biting my nails! 

Two post, one day; Lucky day. I just saw this quote while scrolling through IG and had to share:

“The worst part about anything that’s self destructive is that its so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive.”

Manic Monday



IT is another beautiful day here in Texas and I am in a mood today. Yesterday morning we had terrible storms and this weekend was a failure on projects around the farm. I feel like a failure, we didn’t do much this weekend…. but yet I still feel like we haven’t slowed down.  Last night, I kept waking up in full blown panic attacks. For some reason my anxiety is really high and I am not sure what the trigger is this time. Again, today Is a great day but I keep having those moments of heart palpitations and feelings of sudden doom.  Breathe. I just need some sunshine in my life I suppose.

My son’s birthday is at the end of this month and I have absolutely NO clue what to do for this boy. If you know me, since he was born, this is the latest I have been on ANYTHING planning wise. I am a planner, and a doer, way ahead(er) type of person! This kid needs nothing… I do not want and will not purchase any toys. HE WILL NOT PLAY WITH TOYS, this kid loves being outside, and he has every ball and outside crap item you can think of…. SOOOO I THINK we are going to surprise him with a day at Six Flags and their water-park! I mean what better gift than a memory, and yes I know he isn’t going to remember this… but he won’t remember any plastic toy I could give him. We, as a family love spending time together, and WHY NOT take him on his first thrill rides, he is tall enough now for a lot of them!? I did buy season passes to the local water park for his b-day, just like I didn’t last year, but maybe he will be getting six flag passes too… we shall see!

I feel like I need to get into a pool and swim but I do not feel like swimming. I think once my hubby gets home I will force myself to go do some laps. I really want to step outside of my comfort zone and join a Hiit or boot camp class, but I am way to anti-social and still feel way too out of shape. I HAVE however made friends with all the swimmers that come daily at the same time. They’re all way older than me but hey, once a swimmer always a swimmer. I even met this old retired school teacher who lived actually in the same neighborhood I grew up in and NOW LIVES on property literally down the road from me, maybe a 10 min walk! SMALL WORLD! I met a gentleman who is an avid iron-man competitor, he’s got the TAT to prove it. I secretly try to race him when he is swimming laps. LMAO, he has no idea, but I have to push myself don’t I?!


I really don’t know how to end this blog, or even what the point was, so thank you for getting this far… but I do know I am not myself today… I am however, very proud of myself for recognizing this. Some days it is hard to realize that how I am feeling is not who I am. I will get through it and just needed a distraction for a second.

If you have got this far, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE FROM!!!!

SO PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW AND LET ME KNOW WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU!? AND IF YOU’RE FEELING NICE, TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF! I am new to this blogging world and would love to meet some fellow bloggers!


hugs y’all, with much love,