It’s gonna be me…..

HAPPY MAY, Y’ALL!

18194114_10154440193425887_4389512515118491861_n

This year is flying by! I can not believe we are already into the FIFTH month of 2017! When you’re old, time flies quicker than it seemed to do when I was a child! It is a new month, which means new goals and an update post of my weight-loss…. so without anymore wasted time… here we go…

THE MONTH OF APRIL:

18194105_10154440193440887_1013746963993535802_n

Not the eleven I had set for last month’s goal, but I will take it. With this 7.8 pounds gone, brings me to a total of -47.3 pounds since 12.30.16! This month I want to reach 55 pounds!!!!!! I am actually really happy about this past month for several reasons: one, I did not even want, or feel bad about not indulging in my son’s birthday cake and cupcake decorating festivities! And two, I am really starting to like looking in the mirror and taking pictures.  You don’t realize how much you didn’t like yourself until you really start to see the change that is slowly happening with this journey.

For such a long time, I didn’t like looking at myself. Perhaps, it was more or less I didn’t like looking at my actual reality which faced me in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like we allow ourselves to make excuses for the way we are. Mine for a long time was PCOS… but I can’t do that anymore, and I never, ever, ever want to go back.  My husband brought up something that made me cry; I am very open with my weight with my best friend, but I would have never let my husband see my beginning weight because yes, I was very very embarrassed. One day, I sent a text to my best friend of me on the scale (from the beginning: my highest weight) and comparing it to what I was at that day….

My husband said to me, “you know, I don’t know how to bring this up but I saw a pic on your phone of you on the scale and now I see why you never wanted to talk about it…” I instantly cried and he instantly felt like an asshole. But he was right and it was me who was an asshole. For such a long time, I abused myself. I let myself become a stranger that was weak. I wasn’t crying because I was sad… NO, I am almost to 50 pounds so I know I am on the right path, but my tears were coming from being so ashamed of what I did.

(Bless my sweet husband, he just held me as I cried and was made sure he expressed that he has always loved me and thought I was beautiful. He let me know how proud he was of me that I am taking control of my life and becoming the leader I was born to be)

I look back, and I am so ashamed. I was killing myself and I gave no F*CKS. I wasn’t being the best possible me, so how was I ever a good wife. I am with a man who has loved me unconditionally for 8 years, but I couldn’t love me. Mentally, with my weight-loss I have, and still continue to grow stronger.

 You are worthy, you are loved, and you are perfect. Do better, be better.

-C

“Make moves or make excuses”

18195101_10154440193445887_6522039480032398802_n

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s