This is me, all that I am is before me in the mirror. One day I love myself for my strength and determination, and other days I see myself hatred and denial I lived in for so long. This journey is not about my weight. Well it is, but for me it is much deeper than that. When I look at myself, I see a reflection of what I have done. You see pounds, I see my struggles; What I have allowed to rule me. I went from a bottle, to food. One addiction to the next, I was weak, and sometimes I feel that hopelessness all over again. I feel sad.
Mentally, I try to be strong but I can’t always be. For so long I have focused on my family but never once stopped to look in the mirror. I wear my stress well outwardly, but internally I am roaring. When I see myself now, I know this weight is cloak of my internal feelings. Feelings I no longer feel or even want to feel.
I find out more and more stuff about me, the more I connect with myself. For me, being alone is the only way I can do that. Alone; no phone, no distractions, just myself and my thoughts. Something that scared me for so long.
This is my truth. These are my thoughts. I know I am not alone, but I am alone, and for once I am okay with this. I thank my Lord Jesus Christ for saving me. I thank Him everyday for the new day and for allowing me to have choices in every part of my life. I have taken control of the fact every day is a decision for me, every day I HAVE TO DO BETTER, and every day since, I grow stronger.
If you’re reading this and you struggle like I do, know you’re worth it. You can do better if you put your mind to it. Think good thoughts and shove out the bad ones. You are very loved and you were made uniquely in His image.
-with very much love,